so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I need water and some morals
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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