I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
