he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
