this just has baby written all over it
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
