I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
