That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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