well I can't set my house on fire every night
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
