he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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