there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
