do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
