Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
