did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
