You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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