There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
