my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I wish i was in the wii world.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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