I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
