I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
