just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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