I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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