Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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