Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
