Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
