dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
