Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
