Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
