I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
