You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
