I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
