she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
