I hope mine doesn't look like that
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
