I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
