Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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