Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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