You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
