booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
