when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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