I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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