what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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