My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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