I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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