I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
