Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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