Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
this just has baby written all over it
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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