I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
