I just pynch a tree in the face
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
