I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
