I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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