as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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