Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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