don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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